Eyes of Sorrow
by Muffinkichi
Summary: One Sided NejiNaru, SasuNaru After the battle with Kidoumaru, Neji awaits Naruto's visit in the hospital only to realize Sasuke had made the decision to leave the village. Neji is compelled to forsake his own happiness for Naruto. chapter 190ish


Title: Eyes of Sorrow  
Author: MiakaKiller  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Neji has feelings!!!1 XD  
Spoilers: The 190-ish chapters  
Pairings: One-sided Neji/Naru, One-sided Sasu/Naru  
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Neji does. ^______^;;. Ok, sometimes Sasuke.

I wrote this 9-page monster last year, but I guess I overlooked it and didn't post it up. It is by no means a splendid story nor is it a decent work: it has not been beta-ed, nor has it been thoroughly proofread for errors since the day I completed it. My heart wasn't truly in this, I suppose. But this is more like a "read & weep" kind of sappy unrequited Neji/Naru and Sasu/Naru story, especially since how Neji kept thinking about Naruto during the 190 chapters were SO sad, and convinced me Neji was totally smitten with the blonde. Same applies for Naruto for Sasuke. Simple Neji POV transitions to third person.  


Now that I think about it, it was my first serious fic in a long time. ^^. Lyrics are from "Dearest", 4th ED to Inuyasha by Ayumi Hamasaki, because yes, I am a Ayumi-junkie. XD.

~~~~~~

It wasn't the loveliest of feelings when I woke up. The gaping hole in my shoulder and side had left me a considerably great amount of pain. Damaged tissue, fractured, and even completely annihilated bones. Organ damage, several broken ribs, a minor case of hemorrhage. Endless other things. Although bandaged and treated, I would immediately have to resort to painkillers, and sleeping pills because of the excruciating pain. No one hears you scream in your dreams.

I look up, mildly dazed from the last dosage of pills. Too strong, I believe, but when I was suffering in the climax of the throbbing in my shoulder, six sleeping pills seemed satiable enough. I painfully turn my head and glance on over at my emergency doses. The jar isn't there. Have the hospital staff taken it due to my constant consumption? No…it is upturned on the floor with the last two crushed, and unable to save me from another period of torturous pain. Must have struck out too hard.

How long have I been like this? 2 weeks? 3? Huffing in contempt, I figure I have lost track of time. 5 weeks. I had previously been in stupor for 3 weeks before waking up to a world of inhumane pain and throbs, add that with the surgery, 2 more weeks. So it was 5 weeks. 

Tsunade….no, Godaime-sama had informed me all was well. We had not failed the mission. Sasuke was back in the village, safe and sound. The team members, although some came back horribly injured, were alive and were fairly healthy after a few weeks residing in the hospital. 

"There's no need to worry Neji. Within a few weeks all the team members will be healthy and lively again. It's more important that you, who suffered the most injuries, recover without any problems. I do not want you to fret over minor things right after a 5-hour surgery, I wouldn't want the toll of the medic-nins to be wasted for nothing." But the slight droop of her shoulders and smudged make-up told the story; she had been the one performing the surgery. Tsunade smiled, softly patting my uninjured shoulder. It hurt anyway. 

"I am quite thankful for your concern Tsunade….hime. If it wouldn't bother you, I would also like to know who the person mainly responsible for bringing Sasuke back was." There was a pause, as if she was thinking. Or perhaps she was surprised at my sudden inquiry.

"You wouldn't be too surprised. It was that brat-chan Uzumaki," she grinned before continuing. "He was the hero, alright. After he had convinced Sasuke to come back," she had not mentioned how, but her eyes warmed up, "his first goal was to find you Neji." 

A smile escaped my control, and a surprised ascent of Tsunade's eyebrows soon followed. There was another pause before I coughed awkwardly, but the sudden warmed, pink cheeks and a suspicious grin of the Godaime told me I had been caught. She let out a small chuckle.

"Well," she lightly slapped her hands to her knees and got up slowly, the devious smile still on her face. "I'll have to go for damn hokage duty--documents." She smiled at me with her eyes, twirling her index finger on the ends of her hair. "You need some sleep hon." I nodded subconsciously. Tsunade opened the door and before closing it, I thought I saw a wink.

I was quite thankful for her time and for her leave. I had actually been curious about Naruto even before I woke up from the surgery. Not just curious, but almost dead-set on finding about the blonde. It was almost barbaric. Every time I slept I dreamt about him. Every time there was a knock on the door my heart jerked for Naruto's intrusion. Every time I turned I expected to see the blonde and his toothy grin. 

After a few weeks of recovery where I was given the permission to walk in the halls, the question of Naruto burned in my mouth, my tongue twitched with desire to ask. It hurt me tremendously to suppress the torrid curiosity, my concern. It seemed….I was obsessed. I longed to ask another ninja around his age, perhaps even a medic-nin or a nurse about his well-being. But…..it would have been too…..

I shut my eyes in regret. Revealing. Trespassing. Abominable. I would not been considered a worthy adversary if I had not done my share of practical ninja research on opponents before a battle. I have done so for the Chuunin exams, my opponent being Naruto. But….perhaps I had learned...too much. I pored over historical scrolls starting of the training month given to us and it had seemed Naruto had no real parents, not even adoptive ones. He had no family tree, no relatives, nothing whatsoever. As I started reading in more depth, there was something about Naruto that was sealed, so that ninja without a certain rank or age would not be able to read the contents. It also wasn't specifically stated, but there was something in Naruto….something so horrible people emigrated from Konohagakure just to evade him. I had never understood why people would go to extreme measures just to avoid the kid that posed no harm.

But I remember along the course of my childhood, watching the little blonde-haired boy with vengeful blue eyes and feral whiskers, a minuscule boom box of energy. It was a few months after the unjust sacrifice of my father, a time which I was most vulnerable to external forces and influences. The little boy, Naruto, was pushed around, kicked, and jeered at, the reasons unknown to my younger self. Some people went as far to spit at his face. He would only curse under his breath and wipe the saliva away with the sleeves of his shirt, growling in replies to their threats, curses to assaults. What I don't remember was him crying, no matter how brutal the treatments were.

And now it hurts to recall that I hadn't been there for him to when he needed someone the most. But I was suffering in my own blanket of pain as of that time, my father's untimely and unjust death eating away at my darkened heart. I watched the gruesome event, the people sometimes even tried to use Naruto as kunai target practice. Knives hurled past the air, without aim but deadly. The few that managed to strike caused a trickle of blood to gush down the sides of his face, and as helpless as he was, he defiantly declared that someday when he became hokage, he would defeat them and humiliate them as they did to him that day. 

I remember scoffing at his foolishness, biting my lips as if not to remark upon his stupidity. I remember bitterly reflecting upon my father's death, from that because everything was purely determined upon fate. As my father had died for the main family, the little boy with the vulpine eyes would forever be subject to humiliation and insults. And I remember I hated the little boy for trying to deny fate; deny destiny.

And I wasn't surprised on the day I faced him, he had said the same thing.

Almost.

"When I become hokage…..I'll change the Hyuuga!!!!" It was, at the time, a truly ridiculous sight. Here I was, unscathed and basically untouched whereas the foolish little blonde was panting, bruised and bleeding to save his life. And by then I had blocked all his chakra flow and reduced him and his attacks to almost nothing; a pitiful battle on his part.

But in the end, he won, believing fate could be changed, that one did not have to adhere to fate always. So vehement was his conviction that at once he released the metal cages from my heart, the imp who reigned over my miserable soul, and my contempt for fate and destiny was set free. Afterwards, I felt sympathy towards him, and found myself staring at him without reason at times, wishing I had said something encouraging, something different during our battle. I recalled the days he was tortured and shoved around, and how defiantly he stood against fate. I respected him, and began following in his footsteps and tried to change myself for him, and change my views on the world and fate. I would constantly think of Naruto in times of crisis, wondering what he would have done in my position…and conceding my ways for his. Almost unknowingly, I had changed myself…and I found myself in love.

Love….

It wasn't lustful love, nor was it friendly love. It was love of utmost admiration, and resulted in my endless desire to protect him. I felt I had to be near him, always, and twinges of jealousy would often come when Naruto interacted with others. After Naruto's visit with any genin I would glower for days. I hovered over him and tried to protect him from afar at all times, often…almost always without his knowledge. It was unconditional love.

Believing fate to be to meaningful cause for the love was not enough. I believed I was likely to marry a woman just as much as the other ninja, but Naruto…he had changed my life drastically in a way myself could have never done. I felt I was forever in his debt for making me realize the world and myself at once. From the point I knew I was in love, I stopped arguing to myself the reason why I fell in love with him altogether. As Naruto said, the works of fate and my own causes had changed the course of what was bound to happen.

Was it fate that brought us back together for the mission of retrieving Sasuke? Was it fate that….he saved Sasuke from the darkness?

Someone knocks.

"Neji-san? Would you like anything?" I open my eyes. The young nurse assigned to me is at the door, her eyes trying to peek over the glass placed too high for her height. I could tell by the way her auburn head bobs up and down as she jumps.

"No, I'm fine."

"All righty then, the bell's always there if you need me," comes the reply, and her curly head blocks the door no more. 

Within seconds her head bounces back. "Oh yeahhhhh, you have a visitor today, Neji-san! Someone by the name of….uh…U-zu-ma-ki Na-rru-to…hmm……This kid needs to learn how to write neater. Oh, he's coming in 10 minutes by the way!" She chirps, bouncing one last time before leaving.

The headache had now diminished and I felt well enough to walk around. I gently push the covers off and carefully swing my legs to the side. Unfortunately it shocks an injured muscle and I struggle as to not let out any sounds of pain. But instead I smile. Naruto…after 5 weeks we get to see each other again. I really missed him. It felt I had been waiting for ages, but I have been told during the time I was unconscious, Tsunade had to turn Naruto's frequent offers down to visit me ("He's very tired right now, Naruto. You can wait.") despite his loud shows of anger and yells of protest. Today was the first day Tsunade had allowed visitors to come, and the visitor was none other than Naruto. 

And…I….am glad.

Call me childish, immature, head over heels; I had never felt such pleasure flowing through my body, almost like the feel of sunshine throughout one's body. It is a feeling another could envy. Slipping into my shoes, I felt myself grinning from ear to ear, although even the muscles of my face were too tired to respond to my ecstasy. As I start to walk, I can feel a bounce I every step or two. I was happy.

My regular clothes are nowhere to be found. It is probably too tattered and damaged to wear. It is more important my hygiene is taken care of. Being immobile and figuratively dead for over a month, I had no idea if I had been washed or not. I head on over to the bathroom, stumbling over the just-cleaned tiles of the bathroom floor and resting my hands on the wet sinks for support. The water feels good under my bruised hands, and for awhile I make circles with the drops of water as if feeling things of reality again was a blessing. I cannot help but think of Naruto.

Glancing at the mirror I can tell I was well taken care of. Despite the multitudes of bandages that adorns my face, it is fairly clean. It may have been so because of that bouncy auburn-haired nurse…..her name was….Aya. Aya-chan. I smile inwardly, gratuitous for her concern. Aya-chan. Turning on the water spout, I splash the cool water into my face. It could have been because I hadn't felt coldness in such a long time, but my face feels hot as I rub water over the skin. I twist back the knob and look up again at the mirror in curiosity. 

I notice the unusually nice condition my long hair is in. It is not as ruffled as last time, and I wonder who had taken care of my hair while I was still asleep. Probably Aya, I thought. Girls had a strange affection for finicky things. It also isn't tied back in the low ponytail I usually put it in. I remember that my last battle had caused me to lose my hair band, releasing the usually tightly-bound hair I had. I take a strand and brush it absent-mindedly with my currently wet hand. As my fingers pull down effortlessly at the locks, I notice my hair had grown several inches. With my hair down and untied, it makes me look somewhat more…feminine. A arbitrary thought crosses my mind as I contemplate to tie it again. Perhaps Naruto would prefer me with my hair down and long. 

I dismiss the thought as quickly as it came, and immediately reach into my pocket for some string and tie my hair. I dry my face on a towel and get ready to leave the bathroom when I hear two nurses whispering quite audibly.

"Did you hear, Yumiko-chan? That Sasuke-kun is leaving again! Right now! And he's got special permission from Tsunade to leave!!" It is Aya. An exasperated sigh follows, I can only imagine she has a little crush on the Uchiha. Another girl with an even higher voice squeaks nervously back.

"B-But…why would she do such a thing? Perhaps supervision is provided?" There is a pause, and I can only hear the shuffling of their nervous feet. "You DO remember the last time he left…"

"Of course I do! I was his appointed nurse when he was still in that coma," she snaps back, fury boiling in her voice. Suddenly, her tone changes into a more mellow, a more sympathetic one. "That poor Naruto-kun….after all he did to bring Sasuke-kun back…it's all for nothing now. And he's coming to visit my appointed patient, Neji today. And the way Sasuke-kun is acting, Naruto will never be able to say good bye…" The one called Yumiko coos in pity.

Aya's complaints remind me that Naruto is coming soon. I push open the bathroom door and step out, only to get shocked glances of both the talkative nurses. I walk back to my room and carefully shut the door behind me. 

Sasuke….was someone I could not judge upon. The last time I had talked to him, it was short, quite brusque and uninviting. My issues with his problem in curtness did not matter, but rather, his issues with Naruto. I had no doubt in my mind Sasuke meant a lot to Naruto, maybe even more than I hoped for. When I had mentioned Sasuke to Naruto the day of my battle of Kidoumaru, his face softened and then lowered in immediate response, and his mouth curled up into a small frown. I saw an expression even my eyes could not tell. But through his own eyes I knew he was in pain, a pain of past emotions and yearn. Pain of lament, of sorrow. He growled and tried to change the subject but I knew he was aching, with a pain I could not understand.

It was heartrending to observe Naruto's sufferings, but I had to accept the equally distressing fact that Naruto cared a lot for Sasuke, independent of Sasuke returning his feelings or not. Unluckily, it seemed Sasuke wasn't the one to give back such feelings. I knew this just by glancing at Naruto's pained expressions whenever Sasuke was mentioned. I had felt for him a mix of sympathy, and compassion, and with a jolt of jealousy that I was not the one receiving Naruto's concern. And now, Sasuke was leaving him without Naruto's consent, awareness, whatsoever.

What Sasuke may have done that was good in the past for Naruto was none of my concern. What was now and what was painful mattered. Sasuke had put down Naruto for being a failure. Sasuke treated him like trash. Sasuke even challenged Naruto to a fight when Naruto visited out of the kindness of his heart. The kind of attitude Sasuke posed frustrated me, and jabbed and groped at me with mystifying questions. What was it about Sasuke that Naruto still wanted to openly show his care for him? Why, if Sasuke was completely ignorant of his feelings that he would still continue to love him?

It was then I realized I was not the only one suffering in unrequited love.

But I shake my head. No matter what Sasuke does, Naruto will always care for him. It's just that. I am not the person to find out why. I cannot peer into their own complicated relationship, I had no right to be concerned in their affairs. 

Because it is destiny. I cannot do away with what is already predetermined.

But knowing Naruto will always have someone in his heart that doesn't even care….

"Neji-san, it's almost time that your visitor is coming. Just a reminder!" 

I walk back to my bed. It is a while before I sit down, knowing I had to get myself ready for Naruto. I wanted desperately to see Naruto, but I was also concerned for his happiness. 

Because his happiness is more valuable than mine, because I want Naruto to be happy. 

…..

I…..

…..

Naruto…….what would you have done?

……………………………….....

"Oyyy! Onne-chan! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, I can come in now right? Tsunade baa-chan let me!" Naruto impatiently banged on the bell, causing it to clunk dully. He frowned and scratched his head. He was sure he arrived on time, even with the abrupt visit to Ino's flower shop. She had not greeted him with much grace as he rummaged through the flowers looking for the perfect one to give to his fellow friend, Neji.

Naruto raised up the small package in his hand. It was a beautiful lily, still moist from the morning dew. The whiteness, the purity of the solo flower attracted Naruto, and immediately he thought of Neji. But in his haste, he must have bent the flower head, because the flower seemed to bow low. It looked sad and sorrowful in Naruto's eyes. He tried pushing it back up so it would look happy but flinched when he felt the flower stem crack with the pressure of his fingers. He let the flower head bow back in place, water dripping everywhere. A loose petal fluttered to the hospital floor.

"Ahh! Naruto-kun!" Naruto turned to meet a bouncy brunette, her hair sticking out in every which direction. It was Aya-onne-chan!

"Whew…I was running to see you….I…." Aya looked at the bright blue eyes of the blonde. She stirred in the happiness of his eyes before continuing, "there….has been a change of plans." Naruto's eyebrows rose in confusion.

"W-What? What change? But Tsunade-baa-chan said I could see Neji today!" Aya gulped and closed her eyes. Naruto sure was the loud one.

"Neji told me he didn't feel well," Aya said. "And I think he really means it, because he rang the bell to call for me for the first time today. He's never done that before." She said this more to herself than Naruto.

"So…I can't see him today?" Aya shook her head, frowning slightly. "Then….can I see him some other day? Maybe tomorrow?" She nodded and could not help but flash a smile. He was so cute.

"Maybe…if Neji-san feels like having visitors over." She said this with much confidence, but Aya knew someone like Neji would not be open to visitors. Naruto let a weak grin, and looked down at his feet, his eyes lowered in disappointment. Maybe…some other day. And then he could see Neji. 

"Ne, onne-chan," Naruto tugged at her dress. "Since I can't see neji today, can you give this to him for me?" He gently handed her the small wrapped package, the lily. Aya marveled at the beauty of the flower. She opened her mouth to remark upon it before remembering about Sasuke.

"Naruto…you may want to see Sasuke today. There's rumors that he might be leaving Konoha today." Aya almost regretted saying this. Naruto's once bright eyes now darkened in fear, his smile dissipated. His lower lip started trembling, as if recalling the last time Sasuke had tried to leave. Naruto took a step back, almost in disbelief.

"I-I…Sasuke…..I have to go…..," Naruto turned and sped outside, pushing the hospital door aside as if weighed of paper. When the boy was gone, Aya bit her lip in regret. It was sad to see the boy in so much suffering, but she felt Naruto knowing would be for the best. She doubted Naruto would see Sasuke in time, knowing Sasuke had already received permission 30 minutes ago. She closed her eyes and hoped for the best. 

After a few moments of idleness, Aya opened her eyes and examined the package Naruto had given her. It was a beautiful flower, and she felt lucky for Neji for having such a concerned friend. Though, she did find it odd the flower head kept pouring out water. Climbing up the stairs, she repeated Neji's room number over and over in her head. 270.…270...270...

The hall was quiet when she reached the floor. Usually, floor 2 was reserved for emergencies and when the Naruto and the other genin had returned, the rooms were filled up quickly. She passed Chouji's room, 260, which was Kiba's room, and now…Neji, 270. She stopped and gently knocked on the door. The door was already open, so she stepped in, trying to be as silent as possible.

Neji was fast asleep in his bed, his face content. Aya walked over to check on his condition. He seemed fine, really. Sighing, she walked to the table and was surprised to see the empty sleeping pill container on the table. The last time she looked, it was on the floor, with two pills crushed under the weight of the container. She glanced around on the floor. There were no pills, not even the powder of the crushed pills were there. Perhaps she was seeing things.

She filled up a vase with water from a nearby sink and carefully pushed aside the empty pill container to make room for the vase. She slid in the lily, and she was finished. The flower head was still wet, and the small puddle it made on the floor could not be helped. Aya looked at the lily, and then to the sleeping patient and realized they were so alike. White, and almost pure….the way it bent its head was quite gloomy, but she puzzled over Neji's own condition. Those blank white eyes of his never told of emotion, and she couldn't be sure whether he was happy or sad. 

Done with her flower work, she headed towards the door, but before she put her hands on the knob, looked back, just in case. The room was quite morose, the curtains shielding the room from any light. The darkness was quite unfitting for the radiant lily residing at the table. Without Neji's consent, Aya drew one of the curtains back halfway so some sunshine would come through. Neji's pale skin would do well with a tan, she thought. She walked back to door, and this time she left the room, remembering there was a party and Yumiko's house in thirty minutes and she needed the time to change and put make-up on. Her shift was almost over anyway, and Neji probably wanted peace while he was asleep. She closed the door behind her very softly, and went skipping over to the bathroom, wondering whether or not the young Chuunin man would come along at the party.

As Aya left, room 270 let out a sigh. The stream of sunlight was quite alone in its efforts, the sunlight not quite reaching Neji, and the breeze that came by drew the curtain shut, leaving the room in complete darkness once again. The room was now still, except for the silent tears.

.::Until the day I reach eternal sleep, that smiling face will have to stay with me without fail ::….


End file.
